[Ash] In our house, there is an upstairs room. The land lady thought we’d use it as a bedroom, but it’s usually too hot up here, so we just use it as a common space. A place to which any of us who wanted to be alone, could be. If we catch the breeze right and open the windows and if the sun’s not shining too hot, it can be comfortable. That’s what it’s like today, and that’s why I’m sitting up here writing. The room has two windows. One faces east toward the language school, a volcano and the sunrise. The other faces south. We can’t see as much that way because of our neighbor’s mango tree that blocks the view, but beyond the leaves we know there are more mountains, the neighborhoods of Desamparados (which means hopeless) and a river.
As I climbed the stairs a few minutes ago, I paused at the window looking south. Most of the windows are louvered glass panes that we rotate to circulate the air in and out. This window is different, though. It is on a hinge that allows it to swing wide open like a shutter. Standing there, I welcomed the cool refreshing breeze as I gazed at the nearby mountains. “Looks like it’s gonna’ rain,” I thought, noting the hazy clouds at their peaks. Not a surprising prophecy during the rainy season, I know, but one nonetheless. The view was peaceful, even though it is a city. But I signed, thinking about the work I had to get done. Turning away I noticed the sun break through the clouds, casting a spotlight on a verdant green field on the side of one of the mountains.
It’s hard to believe we will be leaving soon. In less than a month, our bags will be packed and the jet plane will be en route to Peru. We’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, and it is almost here. But with the goal in reach, why is it so hard to let go of Costa Rica?
I think about growing up in southeastern Montana on my grandparents and parents ranch. Through the years we’ve worked a variety of livestock, but for most of the time I remember, we had sheep. Sheep aren’t the smartest animals God ever created. They’re cute, soft, and wooly. I admit they are these things, but that “soft and wooly” could be a good description of their thinking skills, as well. I remember one time in particular. The flock had been living down by the river under the trees. Life was good there, but they’d eaten most of the good grass and weeds, so it was time to move on. The next field over was full of lush green alfalfa along with fresh water and shelter. They’d have everything they’d need in their new home. We shepherds (my family and I) spread out under the trees along the river and gathered up the flock before gently coaxing them toward the gate leading into their new home. They moved easily, but as soon as they saw the opening in the fence, they baulked. They stopped. They put their hooves in and would not move. Occasionally a brave one would step forward, sniffing the air for hints of what lie ahead, but as soon as we through she’d pass through, she’d spin around and run back into the safety of the group. In desperation we tried to use force and dragged one through the gate, but as soon as she was free from us, she rushed back through the gate to the flock. I don’t remember what we finally did, but eventually one went, found the grass was indeed greener on the other side of the fence, and the others stampeded through to join her.
Here we are in Costa Rica and the gate is wide open. It’s not that all the food to eat is gone—there’s still plenty of missionary work to be done here—it’s just that it’s time to move. But for the first time in the nearly 20 years since we were moving sheep to the new pasture, I understand the sheep’s hesitation.
We’ve made this place home for the past year. We set up a house. We paid bills. We made friends. We got involved. We learned the culture (at least parts of it). Before coming here, some of the people in the Mission Society home office jokingly said, “Okay, now don’t go falling in love with Costa Rica so that you want to stay there.”
“We won’t,” we replied. After all, God had called us to Peru, right? But how can one not fall in love with Costa Rica. That’s what it means to be a missionary, isn’t it? To be fully present wherever we are. To learn a language and a culture. To learn to love the people. To discover what God is doing and then move forward from there. To learn to love God in a whole new way.
The gate is open and we know green pastures and still waters are waiting for us in Peru. But still, it is hard to go.
The sun’s spotlight on the hillside has been replaced by low clouds. The rain is coming, I know. On the street outside I hear the incoherent ramblings of a man on a drug induced high (he doesn’t bother anyone, just walks the streets every few days babbling the same cadence). The sounds of a fiesta in one of the neighbor’s houses waft in. I see the familiar buildings on the hillsides. I hear the car alarms and the police sirens. I smell someone cooking dinner: greasy empanadas, picadillo and beans and rice. Sounds and sights and smells we’ve come to know so well. I know I’m home…
…but the gate is open.